This Woman’s Work…

It’s, by far, one of my favorite songs (the Kate Bush version, from ‘She’s Having A Baby’, and not Maxwell’s sad attempt at copying it, either). I pulled out an old favorite from my journal of early Motherhood, for this one. I hope you like it, dear Readers.

So, you’re a stay-at-home-mom and the work, it seems, is never done. There’s always another load of laundry to be swished, more dishes to be washed, kids’ crying to be soothed, dogs and cats to be fed, husbands to pick up after…it’s the hardest, loneliest job on Earth, and everyone wants to act like you don’t work. Don’t get me wrong; it’s all worth it, to know that a stranger isn’t raising my baby, teaching her values and morals quite possibly (and very probably) opposite my own. It’s worth it, to see her getting the attention she needs, when she needs it, and not having to deal with diaper rashes and fevers of neglectful non-parents. It’s worth it to watch her grow, before my very eyes, every day and to see her blossom into the wonderful person I first saw, that beautifully endless night, in the hospital.

Sometimes, though, I want to sit with my head in my hands and cry out all of the tears I can’t, in front of her. Some days, I want to hit a punching bag, or a drum set, as hard as I can, just for the satisfaction of the blow. Other days, I want to drop, right where I am, mid-mess, and say, “Screw the world.” But, I love my daughter to death; more than mere words (my first love) could ever hope to describe; and I’ll never let her see any of my frustrations. Besides, it’s too easy, no matter how I feel, to look down at that crooked little beguiling grin of hers and have all of those feelings melt away to nothing. Nothing, but water upon a sidewalk that no longer has to be shoveled. So that, the next time the snow comes, I’ll look forward to clearing it again.

Maybe, one day, when I hear the words, “Mom, I’m pregnant,” I’ll show her these entries, so she knows more than she ever did, that she has been my greatest adventure; the love of my life. So she knows it’s not all rosy cheeks and baby giggles. So she knows, it’s hard and heart-wrenching and tear-filled. But, that it’s also lovely and beautiful and the best reward for being a woman, God could have ever dreamed up.

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