5 Reasons Why My Daughter Will Never Be A Girl Scout…

5.  Those uniforms look ridiculous, even on the cutest of kids (which, I can safely say, my kiddo is). I couldn’t picture her in that dorked-out getup, and  I don’t want to, either.

4.  Is it just me, or do all of those groups feel like weird little gateway cults? Ok, maybe it’s just me, but they really do seem to be paving the way toward a life of Scientology or Jehovah’s Witnesses.

3.  I don’t want her to be a little cheerleader type who can’t think for herself because she was indoctrinated into some group of future fascists.

2.  No way am I leaving my daughter’s “outdoor education” to some weirdo in a beret who actually volunteers to be alone with other peoples’ kids.

1.  And finally (drum roll, please), I absolutely refuse to support any institution who, when teaching my daughter supposed survival skills, instructs her to go out and sell her cookies. What about building a fire, or those really cool knots they teach boys? Nope. Just go door to door and sell your cookies. What are they teaching these kids? Prostitution?

Well, that’s all for today. To those of you who want to be offended or stick up for the buttwipes mentioned above, save your ink (figuratively speaking). This was only meant to be funny.

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