Hipsters; Beware! You Are Not “Not Cool” (enough)


The Top 5 Lame/Awesome Bands:

5. The Spice Girls. Why; you ask? Who doesn’t dance to that godawful song when they hear it? Terrible as it is, it squirms into your head like an earwig from a bad science fiction movie to lay eggs in your brain. You can’t deny it.

4. The Spin Doctors. How come; you say? Who has never been one of Two Princes and/or Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong? Come on; man…need I say more?

3. New Kids On The Block. They had some catchy stuff. They’re on this list because I liked Pink Floyd when I was 8 years old and they still duped me into spending my allowance on T-shirts and posters.

2. Hall & Oates. I doubt I need to elaborate. ‘Sarah, Smile’ really speaks for itself. Might I point out, however, that ‘Rich Girl’ is one of the most honest songs of bitter heartache, mixed with male pride that I have ever heard…no? Okay. Google it. Badass tune, if a little sad.

1. Genesis. The Phil Collins Project. Yeah….I said it. Genesis. They had some good tunes. Videos were lame, but hey…that’s what makes youtube so famous; right?

And, there you have it. I was cool to be not cool before it had a label; and don’t adopt me, either, you flannel shirt, trucker hat wearin muthafuckas….I was you before you were a fad.


Life may be a bitch, but…

…I tend to think that’s exactly what makes it so fun.

I alternately love/hate my life, as does most of the population. It’s up; it’s down; it’s beautiful; it’s loathsome; it’s fatal; it’s vivacious; it’s serene; it’s complicated. It’s amazing; all of it; really. A lot of people take life for granted. They want things to be easier, but then, when things are easier, those same people can never be content with their own complacency and settle, eventually, for seeking out the excitement that makes up the innate tug-of-war that is human existence. The give-and-take measures us, just as our love, our knowledge, our hope, and our generosity, do.

They think that theirs are the only lives that mean anything and, for their tiny scope and little bitty parcel of World, that is true. In the grand measure of things, however, we all fall miserably short of what really matters. It’s onlytruly relevant, if it’s relevant to you?

Well, pardon my French(ish), but, who the fuck are YOU? Who, for that matter, the fuck am I??

If I don’t know you, I don’t want to hear your life story in the checkout aisle and I assume the same, in the reverse. Nonetheless, I will grin like the cheschire cat at your kid, just to let him/her know that grownups can be okay, every now and again. Just to let them know that they matter. 

Most people don’t care about other peoples’ kids. Other peoples’ kids are other peoples’ problems, and all that jazz. First of all, they’re NOT problems; period. Second of all; too many people don’t care about their own kids, and it’s our job, as role models, in general, to always remain positive influences in the lives of others; children and adults, alike. My livelihood is to teach other peoples’ kids, and I can’t imagine anything more rewarding. Just as, with my own daughter, life is hard and crazy and spectacular; every day with those kids, presents challenges I never dreamed would occur, spontaneous little outbursts of crazy, and hardships aplenty.

There are things that jolt you, things that wake you from the dreamland of your boring every-day, to pull you into the absolute perfect balance of our lives. They may not be my kids, technically, but they are my kids, in every other way. Each day is full of stupid, mundane, little nerve-racking annoyances and, at the end of every single day, I sit at home with my one daughter and my boring television, or book, or chess game against the computer and think; What a great/terrible/crazy/awesome day, that was. All of the little things melt away, like a bad dream, and only the good of the day remains, in the smells on my shirt, in the smile on my face, and in the purity of my heart, kept young, forever, like the mythical Peter Pan, who also surrounded himself with the only love that counts. The love of your children.

Thanks, for reading. Sorry, I’ve been such a slacker.


Okay; Let’s Talk Childhood Obesity.

Loathsome. First of all, we are only addressing the less important half of the problem. Our terrible American diets. We are leaving out the fact that we and our children NEVER exercise. We park as close as we possibly can to any doorway we may enter, throughout the course of our day, often circling the parking lot in our cars like vultures of concrete and painted lines. We’ll take ten minutes of aimless driving to find a space a couple of slots closer to the door, rather than park at the end of the lot and walk for a whole forty-five seconds (oh, my!). There are never kids playing hockey in the street, or football at the park, these days. They’re all inside, shooting computer-generated images of kids they’re shit-talking in China, or Europe, and watching endless hours of mindless cartoons, like Spongebob and Johnny whatever-his-name-is.

If we made the time to institute real changes, like a little olive oil, in lieu of butter (and margarine is the WORST, by the way… it’s full of free radicals, people!), or a game of Wiffle ball, in place of Call of Duty, we might be able to beat this thing. Here’s the problem; US. We parents, are where this stuff begins. I ate awful school lunches, too, but my dad didn’t cook me lard for supper, or throw frozen nuggets in the oven every single night, or go to McDonald’s as a way of life, rather than as an occasional convenience. Kyra has had, maybe, three Happy Meals, in her whole life. We’re big on pastas, spinach (even as a nice spinach pie, with all those carbs; it’s better than over-processed frozen cancer machine meals), and lean meats. We don’t go overboard with the healthy foods and ground chuck is fine, in moderation. I like salmon and chicken, but I’m not about to go to veggie burgers and tofu. We have the occasional hot dogs and macaroni, but the thing is, we eat a balanced diet. Some fats are okay, but candy bars as a rule, are not. Self-control consists of MORE than not eating that crap, yourself, it includes saying “no”, when your kids want it, all the time.

I find that the parents who are afraid to discipline their children end up having all kinds of problems, throughout childhood and adolescence, from their offspring. If Kyra wants to throw a fit and scream and make a fool of herself because she can’t stay in the bouncy-house as long as she wants to (which, believe me, is forever; she’d move in, if she could), that’s fine. We’re still leaving, and now, she’s not getting any reward for being a “big girl”, and coming nicely, when it was time to go home. I’m not about to give in and let her stay on it longer, to avoid being embarrassed, and this is a huge issue, in parenting.

Then, you have the part-time parent problem. You guys know what I mean. This is where the parent who only gets the kid on weekends, wants to give in and break up the schedule, because s/he is afraid of being a “jerk”, for the limited time they have, together. This is a hard one to tackle. Children need limits, and the problem they have with punishments and consequences for their infractions, are very short-lived, whereas the lesson learned, by the enforcement of these limits (most notably, that you LOVE them enough to do so) are long-term and essential to their development as people.

We parents must start to step up and take responsibility for the proper care of our children, because all of their experience starts at home. We must be a good example, not just set one. We may not have the time to play, or we may be exhausted after work ( I know; I play all day at work, with kids about Kyra’s age, and then come home and play, too), but that doesn’t matter. If we flop around on the couch in front of the TV; that’s all our kids will do. If we want to feed them crap from the freezer section because it’s just too hard to boil a pot of water and saute some veggies in olive oil and garlic, what can we expect, but, childhood obesity and heart problems? If they know we love them enough to be truly selfless with our time and attention, we can’t go wrong in being exactly what our children need, to grow up well and strong and bright.